Boris Johnson

Boris "The Spider" Johnson was the albino mascot for the SFPWCSTR. Not only could he not say 'Turtle', he couldn't say more or less anything due to him having severe Fritzl Syndrome as a child. Thus, his speech was mostly along the lines of: "Flibbidy Gibbidy Flobadobdob"

Early Years
Boris was born to Ms. Jabberwocky and Mr. Bump in 1968 after an unsuccessful abortion. Infact, when Boris jumped out of his mother's womb for freedom, he was reported as holding an abortion pill with a smug look on his face. Because of his very good luck of being born despite the abortion, Karma decided to give him some bad luck and so Boris, during his spree running from the hospital, was struck by lightning. Miraculously, Boris survived but the lightning made his once luscious deep brown hair become a whiter shade of pale. The lightning also affects what Boris had to constitute as a mind and due to radioation that was brought on by the lightning (Somehow), throughout his trouble childhood, Boris suffered from Fritzl Syndrome and locked himself in a cellar till he was 21, making all his attempts at sentences toally non-sensical. Upon seeing daylight again, he fleed to a bar and drank large amounts of alcohol. After waking up in bed with well-known party animal Stephen Hawking, Boris found out that while he was drunk, he had agree not only to become mayor of London but also the albino mascot for SFPWCSTR. Outraged because he is not officially recognised as an albino, Boris left the SFPWCSTR and searched for years and years for form and land to only meet the dark lord himself, Louis Limberg. Louis twisted Johnson's mind in exotic ways and Boris became known as 'Boris The Spider'. He became Limberg's apprentice and together they roamed the universe killing innocent beings. Well, kind of. Because, dear reader, though Boris had turned to the dark side, he was never truly evil. He could never bring himself to kill anybody because he still had that hint of the old flibbidy gibbidy Boris inside him. When Louis found out that Boris had betrayed him by not killing anybody, Louis banished Boris to The Dark Dimension and Boris is now presumed dead by the Police and Flumpen Knickenwonka

Relationships
Aswell as Stephen Hawking, Boris has been romantically linked with the following:

Margaret Thatcher (Milk Snatcher)

Jamie Oliver

The Woganator

Dame. Ermintrundle Jamborshits

Sir Eddie De'Vegas

Cumberland Bandersnatch

Kenya Wunderkidd