Prince Philnut, Duke of Cuntinburgh

Prince Philnut, Duke of Cuntinburgh is a quintessential old racist man who is married to The Queen. Previously one of David Cameron's bum-buddies, in 100,000 BC he discovered the 11 year old The Rt Hon. Queen Jimmy Savile Stalin Reichberg The Fourth MBE and, in the words of intellectual genius and DNA discoverer, Jordan Williams, he exclaimed "You better have pet insurance because i'm going to fuck your pussy!". This turned Jimmy on immensely and history was made. Philnut has since become a highly distiguished blackface minstrel, performing in circuses and peep shows all around Kent. Like all Nazis, he loves Poodles and Blonde haired, blue eyed people which is why he hates his bitch of a wife so much because she is neither. He is, infact, able to say Turtle but he is unable to say Tortoise, instead saying 'Tortuse'. Up until 1245, he was not a member of the SFPWCSTR and he has given it strong criticsm, such as his famous remark as he walked into a bar in 1977 "I'd rather eat my own scaley testicles than be in a club for people who can't say turtle!". He was then attacked by all 7 members of S Club 7 and after they stopped fighting and apologised to eachother, S Club 7 and Philnut went to the club together and later had a magnificent orgy.

Philnut is reported to have been presented at the destruction of the World Slade Center and apparently, upon it's demise, remarked "Slade have been slayed". He then processed to kick the decapitated head of Slade frontman and wizard Noddy Holder repeatedly while cackling.

The Duke of Cuntinburgh's Award
Very very similar to the Hitler Youth, which Philnut was a member of when he was but a small child, The Duke of Cuntinburgh's Award is a programme of activities that can be undertaken by young people aged 24 to 14. Philnut spoke about DofC in a radio interview in 2010 "Basically, Right, One day, while walking my 88 and a half Poodles, I came across a remarkable idea. So remarkable that I had to go for a relaxing piss to calm me down. I decided that young people were becoming American- SORRY I mean fat and lazy and so I decided to test their bodies to the limit in multiple ways with this award thing which I set up for them in the ye olde times of the 50's. Coons, chinks, fags and dykes are not yet aloud to join! I've had enough of them! Walking around the street thinking they're Chuck Norris! I've just had enough of the World as a whole! EVERYTHING WAS SO MUCH BETTER UNDER HITLER'S REIGN!!!!!" The radio broadcast cuts off there.

Racism
Philnut has never been one for political correctness as evidenced by these quotes:

"If I stay in China too long, I'll get all slitty-eyed!"

"British Women can't cook"

"If it has four legs and it's not a chair, if it has two wings but it's not a plane and if it swims and is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it!"

"Did you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" (My personal favourite)

"I would like to go to Russia very much, although the bastards murdered half my family."

"Don't feed your rabbit fruit - fruit is a contraceptive. Although it may not work on rabbits"

"Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant!"

"Are people from the Cayman islands descended from pirates?"

"So who's on drugs here? HE looks like he's on drugs!"

"Well, you didn't design your beard very well, did you? You really must try better with your beard."

"I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife. They both do the same thing."

Of course, since Philnut is "royal", his casual racism that he supplies to every occasion is absolutely exceptable.